Healing from Hurts

Humans are, for the most part, wrapped up in their own small worlds. This is logical, as we don't have the unlimited energy and attention it would take to care about the whole big world. Our own daily concerns are enough to keep us fully occupied.

One consequence of our tendency to focus on ourselves is that we often say and do things which hurt other people. Most of these hurts are slight and easily attributed to carelessness rather than malice.

But sometimes, malice becomes evident. Usually it takes a few incidents for us to understand that someone means us harm. We will overlook and rationalize until we come to a point where we have to admit that someone is actively working against us.

If that someone is a person we know and trust, we can be completely knocked over. When close friends, family members, and long-time colleagues reveal another side of their nature, we can doubt our own judgment or wonder if we are to blame.

What follows will be different in every case. Sometimes a confrontation may clear the air, but usually not, in my experience. Trying to limit interaction with the person whose hurting you may be possible, but not if you are in a relationship that can't be cut off. 

So what can you do? I have a few ideas:

1. Acknowledge the pain of being hurt. It's no good to hide from hurt, as it will seep out of you.

2. Try to shift your perspective on the other person. Is there some old grudge or misunderstanding that is poking at their innards?  Are they in poor health and just looking to relieve their misery? 

3. If you can imagine why someone wants to hurt you, you may be able to forgive that person.

4. But even if forgiveness is not in your heart, you can heal by accepting the reality of the situation and deciding that you will not allow that person's actions and thoughts to control you.

5. When you understand that your own reaction to being hurt is something you can choose, you will not feel like a victim.

6. For some people, prayer and meditation might be a pathway to knowing that you are not defined by the hurt that was done to you. For others, counseling can be helpful to gain insights that help you heal. Bodywork like yoga and massage are also ways to find healing.

7. Taking note of how you have hurt other people (whether on purpose or by accident) can give you a more balanced view of the ebb and flow of human interactions.

I am no expert on healing, and I am not completely free of old hurts, but I do know that life is too precious and too short to spend much time in worrying about how people have hurt you. I hope my words might encourage you to be healed and to live conscientiously so that you avoid causing pain.