Get Angry, Cry, or Give Up

 Let’s say you have spent considerable time and effort to understand and deal with a task or situation that’s important to you. It could be a new job with somewhat unknown responsibilities, a confusing assignment if you are a student, an entangled relationship, a problematical aspect of a beloved hobby, or a completely unexpected and confounding event that needs to be dealt with (note I am not talking about emergencies, which would be an entirely different blog post!).

What do you do?

Many such challenges can be met by asking for help, but for some people, asking for help is yet another challenge. They can’t put the exact problem into words, or they are afraid of being irritating or looking less than competent. So, often, people don’t ask for help.

What are human responses to difficulties? Here are three common reactions, based on my years of teaching and tutoring:

1.     Get angry. This is a great way to relieve tension and shift the blame to someone else. The teacher doesn’t make it clear; the new boss is unavailable; the unexpected event is not fair. There’s nothing wrong with getting angry, but bear in mind that public anger can be harmful to your image and can frighten or repel people. Best to be angry alone, where no one can hear the ranting and raving.

2.     Cry. Tears come easily to some, and a good cry can make you feel clean and empty in a good way. The same goes as for “get angry”—cry in private, if possible, Tears in public embarrass people and make them feel inadequate. Tears can also be seen as manipulative, which makes some people not a bit interested in being helpful.

3.     Give up. There’s nothing wrong with walking away from a situation momentarily as long as you revisit the decision in a better frame of mind. Some problems actually DO go away with time, so giving up may be justified. If the problem persists, giving up can provide a bit of perspective and even a new idea for approaching the situation.

Of course, the socially-acclaimed way of dealing with challenges is to meet them head-on, like an energetic bull. And some people will do this!

But if you are not that person, don’t despair. Anger, tears, and giving up are all perfectly natural response to seemingly impossible situations. Try to get into a private space to let your feelings straighten themselves out. An outdoor walk, a favorite bit of music, or even just a cup of tea can give you enough space and time to move through emotion and reset your thinking.