The scheduled life

I love the idea of spontaneity--doing things on the spur of the moment, feeling free of practical constraints, living in the now.

In fact, part of the reason I became a hippie (yes, it was a deliberate decision) in my early 20s was because I thought that hippies were the ultimate free spirits. They did what they wanted and scoffed at the boring, conventional ideas that society pushed down our throats (yes, I was a Sociology major).

[by the way, when I cast my lot with hippies, I found a set of rules just as defined as the ones I had grown up with and wanted to go beyond. Read my hippie novel, which is coming out in 2024, to get an idea how that all played out.]

The biggest lesson I gleaned from trying to be spontaneous is that I simply cannot do it. I desperately need schedules--charts, lists, bulleted plans, goals--all kinds of ways that organize and set up my time chronologically are my friends.

Without a schedule, I spend 5 minutes watching two yellow butterflies doing an intricate dance outside the window. I wonder what kind of butterflies they may be, so I Google. Imagine this! There are dozens, if not hundreds, of different yellow butterflies. Sighting butterflies has spiritual meaning; there are countless ways of drawing, painting, photographing, and preserving butterflies. You can make them from paper, fabric, or found objects; you can catch them in nets or visit butterfly houses.

And look! here is the pair again! Or is it the same pair? Maybe there are many more butterflies in our garden than I can imagine, as I can't really tell them apart. If there are many, do they always make the the same pair partners? Do butterflies mate? How long do they live?

Before I know it, an hour has passed. I know a bit more about butterflies now, but the accounting materials that are sitting on my desk, eyeing me with ill favor, are still untouched. 

So I speak firmly to myself, noting that there are things that need doing, and I am the one to do them. I open a new document on my laptop and begin to make a list. As I save it, I see many previous lists in my files. Hmm..when did I write that list? Did I complete it? 

Before I can think,  I am opening lists and compiling them into "Completed"--"Urgent"--"Not Time Sensitive"--"Personal." This leads to agonizing choices as to where to put tasks that fit onto more than one list. Once again, an hour goes by.

You can see that I am not that person who lives a spontaneous, creative life full of brilliant ideas and exciting experiences. No, I am the person who needs some kind of outside discipline to get anything done.

Over the years, I've learned a trick. I schedule "unscheduled" time. Here's an open 15 minutes on Thursday! I will be spontaneous then, but for now, I will stick to my schedule.